Who Are You Sitting With?

He says to you from the seat next door ….
“You remind me of my sister-in-law.
So confident. So self-assured. So full of life”

You laugh in reply
“You’re kidding right?

Ask her.
Ask my friend.
She’ll tell you.
I’m a mess.
Always have been.
Insecure, troubled, unsure, depressed”

He looks nonplussed
“No that can’t be right?
Look at what I’m looking at?
Hear what I am hearing?”

You try to explain ….
You have learned how to do this.
To fit in.
You had to.
You got to be good at ‘normal’.
Learned how to make people comfortable.
To be what they expected to see.

But, all the while in your head ….

And then you think ….
And then you said ….
“But I don’t mean I’m being fake?
I don’t think I mean that?
I just mean I can do it.
And I’m better at it now.
It is just so exhausting sometimes”

And then tonight,
When you wake in the early hours,
As you often seem to do,
It suddenly occurs to you ….
Holy hell!
What if he is right?
What if you finally travelled somewhere and didn’t notice?
What if you arrived and are now this person?
And it is the old you, the insecure messy troubled you,
What if she’s now the faker?
When on earth did that happen?
And how did everyone see it but you?

Copyright © 2016 · Forty and Everything After


4 thoughts on “Who Are You Sitting With?

  1. Very introspective. Thought-provoking. Sad and scary, but at the end, though it may make one feel foolish, there is hope. There is hope because finally, you can see what has been going on, and actually fix anything you feel is wrong, or personally off center.
    “Character is not gifted. It is earned.” – S.M.C

    Liked by 1 person

    • That is so interesting to read. Other people’s perspectives are really educational I think. Your point about perhaps feeling a little foolish. That hadn’t occurred to me if I’m honest. I long ago got used to being a bit of a misfit, and had come to terms with my strange little self. It was more of a positive revelation than a feeling of foolishness that occurred when I discovered how far I had come without noticing. It took a relative stranger to help me see the distance travelled from someone else’s viewpoint. Mine was clearly out of date :)

      Liked by 2 people

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