The Writing Cat Is Out Of The Bag

So, I got found out.

I had already openly volunteered the fact I had been doing some writing to the people closest to me. A number of them had said they would like to read what I had been writing, asking me where they could find my blog etc, etc. I have however, been very protective of it to date, explaining that right now I am writing anonymously, because that is the only way it is going to work. Putting myself out there in this way was hard enough. I knew fine well that my creative spirit would be well and truly squished by an awareness of family, friends (worse still minor acquaintances), looking on, discussing, judging. That was not what this blog was about. Read More »

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Little Droplets of Self Love

Just like integrity, self-care is that right thing that you do when nobody else is watching. It is those tiny little acts to show yourself that you are worth a little kindness, a little time, a little love. It is something that we forget to do. It is something we might consider for others, but often neglect to do for ourselves.

If we are depressed, we may actively prevent ourselves doing such things, because we do not believe we warrant the trouble, the effort, the consideration. We might savagely do the opposite, to punish ourselves or perversely confirm some perceived failing.

It doesn’t have to be Mediterranean meditation, or mountain top yoga, or that super expensive spa thing that you like (though that would be lovely of course, if it were possible, on occasion).

It is those simple, tiny, everyday things you can do for yourself to show love.Read More »

The Revelatory Reset

A few weeks ago I made a complete haimes of something.
I sent an email with an error in it.
To an ex-boss.
What I considered to be an important email.
And what, honestly, was quite an important error.
In an already awkward email.
Where errors were definitely not required.

I couldn’t believe it had happened.
That would never have happened to ‘Old Me’.
The ‘Check everything 600 times’ me (and then 37 more for luck).
The ‘Reread that same email a further 90 times post-send’ me – to make sure it set the right tone, and it couldn’t possibly hack anybody off, and wouldn’t cause any discomfort, or annoyance, or be a burden on anyone else’s day.
The me who would apologise for the inconvenience and presumption of taking up space in somebody else’s inbox. The sheer effrontery!Read More »

Mind Weather

I open my eyes and there he is
My black cloud
Looking down on me
Glaring disappointment from his …..
well whatever clouds have
“So, here we have another bloody day!”
“Are you just going to lie there?” He snarks
“Or are we going to deal with this sodding encumbrance?”

Oh hell. This is not a good start
I just want to stay here
And if I hide my head under the covers
He won’t be able to see me
And I can pretend I am sick
Am I pretending?
I am sick of him anyway
That I know for sure

But I have so much to do!
And there was so much I didn’t get done last week
Mind weather rained off play then too
Come on, let us at least try?
Lead limbs emerge from safety
Cloud glowers
“So, you are going to wash and everything are you?”
“Humph. Well, it won’t change anything!”

Dragging myself to some place to try and work
Cloud lumbers behind, on his string
Grudgingly following my every step
“Well, if you must go out and try and do stuff,
Don’t think I’m not coming with you”
“And don’t think I’m gonna help you”
“This is such foolishness anyway”
“What can you possibly achieve today!?”

With heavy head and saddened heart
I find a spot and make a start
Cloud mocks
“It is all taking you ages isn’t it?!”
“You are never going to get all of this done!”
“What is the point in trying anyway?”
To add insult to injury, the sun gleams outside
Cloud scowls
“Sod off you happy yellow biscuit!”
“What do you know about anything?!”

But what Cloud doesn’t know, that I do
Is that, though always attached to me
The piece of string is not a conductor
He can bob along there as much as he wants
And I will let him be there
Because it seems that is where he lives
But he is made out of cloud
Clouds are not heavy
Unless you strain against them
And they have silver linings
Cloud hates that!

So, come with me, my little personal weather system
And rain on my head if you must
But you are merely mind weather
Some days you will be joined by friends
And I will be paralysed by your storm-cloud party
But some days you will be outshone
The stupid yellow biscuit, whom you so despise
Will warm my limbs and evaporate your edges
That is just how it goes

Come with me Cloud
I know that you must
But all weather is temporary
And in this truth I trust

 


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