August, Again

The weird energy of August abounds
Plagued by troubling dreams
Of past and petulant ghosts
Uncertainty and ugliness
Betrayal and bungling
Of illusory lions and loss
And out-dated obsessions
Of abuse and anger
Sadness and shame
Images of horror
Malformed from memories

Nights haunt her awake
Thoughts twined tight and tense
This lioness now can sense
All the power it will take
But with claws ripped away
Long ago from her paw
Will she now bare her teeth?
Is she ready to roar?
Protect herself ?
As she couldn’t or wouldn’t before

With eclipse swift on its way
Transmissions amplify with days
If she can only hold the line
Stand brave, build bold, stay kind
With gentleness, with strength
With truth, with upright intent
The energy doesn’t have to blaze
If she can harness it, own it, form it
With mindful care, for the greater good
This is her time for ‘Should’
If but she would

 


Copyright © 2017 · Forty and Everything After

What Would It Take To Be Humbled By Stars?

There is our very own stuff
And that may feel huge on any given day
In our hearts we feel the leaden weights
Of all that troubles
Of all that saddens
Whilst occasional sun infiltrates and warms

And then there is the big stuff
The too big for us to wrap our arms around stuff
The too scary to come out from behind our fingers for stuff
But some people do
And thank God for those people

And then there are the stars
And then there is the moon
And all of our stuff is just so utterly irrelevant
Beneath those stars, who have seen it all
What must they think of our earthly lunacy?
They must shake their sparkly heads in despair

I despair
Some days I just can’t believe what I see through my fingers
Most days I truly give thanks for my stuff
My own tiny, little leaden weights
That make more sense than the enormity of things I cannot bear to peek at
Why must we invent new and dangerous and heartbreaking stuff to fill the void?
When the void was always, and will always be filled with those beautiful stars

They were our beginning, and may well prove our end
What will it take to be humbled by the stars?

 


Copyright © 2017 · Forty and Everything After

Today I Am Grateful For …

I have spent the last few days at my best friends house. Circumstances had sadly prevented me from visiting for a while, so I am especially delighted to be here now. I’ve been having lots of fun with her two sons who are full of cuddles and “I Love You!!”s. I can soak that kind of stuff up all day long. Who wouldn’t enjoy such squishy salutation every half an hour or so?

In a quiet moment (which to be fair come few and far between in a house that contains young boisterous boys) I thought I would share a little practice I took up a few years ago, which helps me to capture such smile inducing moments as these, as well as giving me a space to consider the gifts that the harder days in life may have to offer.Read More »

A New Word, A Storm & A Headache

Today I have a paint headache. I did yesterday too. I have been painting all kinds of stuff in my house over the last few days and have now been forced to leave, as I was starting to feel pretty sick with the fumes.

The reason for this intense activity is simple. My house is a scruffy mess. Walls and doors are shabby and shameful. Furniture scratched and unfit for any nice thing or person to sit upon. The last two days of warp-speed activity was long overdue and – because I am me – and I have tried to fix a million things all in one go rather than take a planned and steady approach (like a normal human being might), this has caused some considerable upheaval throughout our home. The living room that I am currently hiding from, is this very minute strewn with newspapers covered by various bulky items of furniture gently emitting their evil post-updo fumes (hence the headache).

Sitting with my husband at the weekend (prior to me having thrown the house up in the air and trying to catch it all with my trusty paint roller) we were listening to somebody else discussing some upheaval or other in their lives. My husband noted …

“You never hear much about ‘Downheaval’ do you?”

Hmmm, interesting – Is that even a thing? I quietly pondered this for a little while and realised, well of course it is a thing! Not only that, but one I have some experience with.Read More »