And so I suddenly stopped, in the middle of the street, and in that instant I saw it all. The illusion that we all occupy. That busy street, full of people and puddles and pictures we believe into reality. Who are all these humans? Who are these actors, these holograms? Who are the hoodlums, and who the heroes? Who amongst them will have drama, who trauma, who triumph?
And I wish for a moment I could step off set, consult the script, see it all from behind the lens. Pause the action and place myself at some other moment, perhaps in some other street, where would that illusion lead me?Read More »
I had already openly volunteered the fact I had been doing some writing to the people closest to me. A number of them had said they would like to read what I had been writing, asking me where they could find my blog etc, etc. I have however, been very protective of it to date, explaining that right now I am writing anonymously, because that is the only way it is going to work. Putting myself out there in this way was hard enough. I knew fine well that my creative spirit would be well and truly squished by an awareness of family, friends (worse still minor acquaintances), looking on, discussing, judging. That was not what this blog was about. Read More »
One year ago today, I arrived back in London after an incredible 5 weeks in Australia. One year ago today, I was in a taxi heading out for dinner with my mum and dad, when I heard some news over the radio I couldn’t believe ….
Prince was dead.
Only a handful of days later, my sorrow over the death of this inspirational creator was the catalyst (a.k.a. Kick Up The Ass) I needed to finally release some of my own words into the wild. The result being this here blog and the blog post below.Read More »
A Guest Piece By Forty & Everything After For Lesley Pyne
I was contacted by Lesley Pyne recently, whose website was an absolute blessing to me, when I finally felt able to look my childlessness full in the eye.
Lesley asked if I would write a guest post for her site – which supports childless women to heal and create a life they love. She hadn’t realised when she asked me that her site was the very first place I had ever shared a piece of writing publicly. It remains the hardest writing I have ever done. The hardest story I had to tell. And it was thanks to the inspiration and support I found on her website that I found the strength to do it.
If I could tell that story, strip myself bare – not just down to the skin, but to my absolute heart – release it into the wild, perhaps I could release some of my fear and pain, confusion and grief along with it. If I can write that, I can write anything.
And here we are now, on this blog what I made – Thank you Lesley :)
So, this morning I am writing in response to being nominated for the Fearless Blogging Award. That is very exciting indeed let me tell you. I’ve never been nominated for an award before. This ingenious little idea was the creation of Confessions of a Reborn Girl. Her blog is a delight. Endlessly positive and full of inspiration. Check out her recent series entitled “30 Days of Thankfulness” if you need a boost or a little kick up the behind to remind you of the treasures we have in our daily lives, if only we stop for a moment to honour them.
I was nominated for this award by Creating K.I.N.G.S. If you haven’t already, you should definitely pay a visit to his blog. It is a relatively new blog to me, but one that is destined to become a firm favourite. The writing is very insightful, draws you up momentarily and makes you think – a sure sign of good writing. Recent posts I have enjoyed in particular are “Praise Not To Be Given” and also the fable he shares of “The Penguin & The Snake“. Do pay this blog a visit, you’ll be glad you took the time.
It is a real thrill to me that someone has enjoyed my blog enough to nominate me. And now it is my turn to continue the process, by answering the prompt provided (see below) and nominating my own selection of Fearless Bloggers. Here goes … Read More »
It transpires that I have been over thinking it. What a surprise (to absolutely nobody, at all, in the world). This is what I do. And I know this. I have done it all my adult life. I think so hard on what needs to be done and the best way to do it that I become completely paralysed and can do precisely nothing. On top of this I am a perfectionist, so I think too much about how to do the thing exactly right, and what is the right thing anyway? And oh, what about that other thing that also could be the best thing? And now I have a list of a million things and what if all of them are a bad idea and ……. Actually, where is my blanket? I’ll be under there and I’ll see you next year, maybe, if the stars are in alignment, and the weather is right and my stomach doesn’t hurt.
It has been an excruciating week for me. Several months ago I stepped away from social media as I was finding it overwhelming. It was making me sad, on occasion angry, often irritable after I had spent time there. I wasn’t feeling inclined to share any of the little life things that were going on with me at that time. I was undergoing counselling, and these much bigger life things felt far more important and, as an introvert, not things I wished to share publicly. So, as part of the process to try and hear my own inner voice better, I decided that for the time being it would be healthier for me not to be drowning in the voices of others, especially if it was clear to me they were doing me harm. That felt like a very constructive decision, and has felt like a weight off ever since.
However, this week I had to return to the world of publicly exposing myself on the internet. Read More »