Finding Joy

I was delighted when I was asked last year if I would be happy to contribute to a book about childlessness that was being written by Lesley Pyne. Lesley’s website was the first place I ever released a piece of my own writing into the wild – when I felt compelled to tell my own story – one of the hardest, but most important things I’ve ever done.Read More »

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As You Be What You Will Be. As You Go Where You Will Go.

I sat, and as I breathed, I looked around inside my head. And in there, there were dark masses. Masses I had created, formed, sculpted, thought into life. Some of them were jagged, some of them too hot to touch, some of them now smoothed through the tossing in my mind’s waves but heavy nevertheless. I looked at these dark masses and I said …

“It is time”

I said to the accumulation of anger, formed from the frustrating exchanges. That cooling lava of irritation, of injustice and unexpressed indignation. With steam still rising from its surface … 

“It is time”

I said to that boulder of sadness, about that sad thing, the thing that will always be sad but is taking up space I now need back …

“It is time”

I said to the shame, those stinging leaves of derision, those thorns of remorse, that I cultivated and watered with bitter tears …

“It is time”Read More »

Hoodlums & Heroes

And so I suddenly stopped, in the middle of the street, and in that instant I saw it all. The illusion that we all occupy. That busy street, full of people and puddles and pictures we believe into reality. Who are all these humans? Who are these actors, these holograms? Who are the hoodlums, and who the heroes? Who amongst them will have drama, who trauma, who triumph?

And I wish for a moment I could step off set, consult the script, see it all from behind the lens. Pause the action and place myself at some other moment, perhaps in some other street, where would that illusion lead me?Read More »

Purple

It is a spiritual colour he says

The colour of the Crown Chakra 

The height of your self knowledge

Enlightenment

Connection to a higher power

And that I can appreciate

But to me it is more

To me it is the colour of youth

Of freedom

Of ‘Me’dom

Of seeking and speaking your truth

It is the colour of magical skies

Of eyes, those eyes, oh those eyes!

It is the colour of my heart

That terminally conditioned part

The part that fell apart

It is the colour of pain

And a certain sort of rain

And a broken heart again

It is the colour of April snow

And I will not let it go

 


Copyright © 2018 · Forty and Everything After

This Is Not My Pot

This week I found myself having to justify the dichotomy between what I do to feed my bank account and the things I do outside of work which feed my soul. And this was with a person who has already had to work hard to make the thing they are passionate about their job.  So they really should know better than to assume that what someone does in their day to day to make money automatically defines who they are as a human being.

But I guess we are all guilty of this on occasion. We probably all have asked a new acquaintance “So what do you do?”, and then we layer all sorts of assumptions on them as a person, based entirely on their response – when really “What matters to you?” would be a far more revealing and insightful question. If the person in question is incredibly lucky or has always had a laser-beam focus on achieving their dream career, the answers to those two questions may align. But more often than not they won’t.Read More »

Conversation With A Tortoise – Part II

T & Me – On Faith And Freedom

Me: It is my last morning. And I have been having the most miserable time. Here I am, sitting on this seat for the final time, crying my heart out. Then I hear some rustling and I think to myself …

“That can’t be another tortoise can it?
On my last morning –
As I saw one on the first.
That would be quite something.”

So, I wander over to the fence where I had seen you before and, after a quick scour on my side of the fence, I spot you. On the other side of the fence! Sitting in the sunshine, looking calm and content. Read More »